Archive 5

Holy Crap!!!

So check this shit out!! I spent several hours of my life constructing it!!! You should use it to make awesomeness..... FOR REALS:

Camura Comics!!!!!

Anyway, it is awesome. More features and stuff to come. Abuse the hell out of this. I expect funny things.

--Schmarty

And Why Not?

--Schmarty

null

--Schmarty

This is the shit you see at PGH bars

--Schmarty

marty party

I heart Marty! Except when he wouldn't convince MY yamy to move back to the ATL! So do it! Now! hehehe...in the meanwhile, can you please mail me some Rita's? I want! I'll send ya back lots of good thoughts! Thanks!
-Maggie

The Internet? Where!?

I see no boobies. Where is this internet you speak of?

~Asshattery

This Is What The Internet is For

--Schmarty

Yay Internets!

I found some funny ass shit on the internet, today, related to my name. You can get a shirt commemorating this nonsense here.

--Schmarty

And so it came to pass

... that 4 months worth of pictures were uploaded to Camura.

--Schmarty

Here's How it Is:

Home Alone on the weekend, one's mind starts to wander (especially once the Knob Creek is applied in liberal amounts to said mind).

Open Firefox (install the fucker if you don't have it), then type this into the browser (without the quotes): "damn shit hell". Be confused at the results.

Also, sometimes there are pictures on the internet that are too goddamn funny.

Case in point.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled internet boredom.

--Schmarty

OMFG

What the hell does it mean when you can't be an asshole or a jerk in the polite sense of the word?!?!?!

--Schmarty

Where was this thing 5 years ago?

Scribe is a kickass browser plugin for preventing the loss of form data (like Jnet posts). It lets you edit and save form data like regular files. I haven't used it, yet, but it could be cool.

--Schmarty

12 Oz. Mouse Theme

o/~

Outta my way,
I'm drunk as hell
I'll blow your ass away
Like I'm ringing a bell

Foot is to the floor
and the whiskey is flowin'
I got a four seater
and I gotta get goin'

You don't understand
We don't give a damn

12 Ounce Mouse! 12 Ounce Mouse!

12 Ounce Mouse! 12 Ounce Mouse!

Jet car's rollin'
and I'm movin' along
Crankin' up the jams
and singin' along
Car full of bitches
and a brand new bong

o/~

Fuck You Adult Swim.
You are awesome.

A Gift To All My Readers

Art, motherfucker!!

--Schmarty

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh.

--Schmarty

That'll Take 1000 Hours!!!

And it did! Last post 1000 hours ago!! This one probably doesn't count!! But I'm past deadline and shit!!!

--Schmarty

It's Here!!!

Ahh, there's nothing better than some fine literature. I used to think it was cool enough to read the website, but now I really know better.

Now it's time to enjoy some of the things I like: drinking, reading, and more importantly, drinking while reading about drinking.

--Schmarty

Hooray for Culture

Just saw Sin City, and I must say it was goddamn awesome. I felt some of it was over the top, but on the whole, it was a pretty goddamn well told tale. I enjoy it when movies aren't afraid to be self aware, and are able to consciously play with color, sounds, recurring themes, overplayed dramatic elements, etc. I enjoyed the goddamn hell out of it, and will probably buy the overpriced-as-fuck DVD when it comes out.

And now you know the rest of the story.

--Schmarty

Bothersome

So I'm bogged down in doing this paper and experiment for the paper, but I keep thinking about this awesome thing I read the other day.

It seems that Google does all kinds of fucking badass shit (exempli gratia - Google Maps) through the use of a bizarre (or not so bizarre) combination of technologies. Some have dubbed this the "Ajax" development model, with Ajax standing for "Asynchronous Javascript and XML".

Essentially it works by loading a huge (well, many-featured) javascript program in to the user's browser, typically in a hidden frame. This program uses whacky shit like DHTML, the javascript DOM, and a newish thing called XmlHttpRequest. In this way, the application is loaded once, javascript+DHTML let you interact in all kinds of awesome ways, and any requests that must be made to the server are made in the background, using XmlHttpRequests and parsing them into usable data, keeping the application live and jumping, rather than painfully refreshing a page each time you perform an action.

I pickle they.

--Schmarty

Maybe it's just me

For lunch today I purchased some iced tea from the nearby food court. Upon sampling this beverage, I suddenly found myself bracing for the tang of tequila. Somehow the tea tasted exactly like a Long Island. I was baffled that a drink should taste like its alcoholic counterpart.

Perhaps I am baffled, still.

--Schmarty

Count Snoozula

I don't know what the hell it means, but I am tired as fuckall, today. It doesn't make a lot of sense, as I went to sleep around the normal time, and woke up before the alarm went off. It's just that in doing so I was still Very Tired.

Perhaps it has something to do with the totally bizarre dream I had. It was something like Butterfly Effect meets gory sci-fi action film. Somehow I was back in my childhood (and aware of it) and having to, as a 10 year old, beat the living shit out of people and things. It was all very exhausting work for a 10 year old. The one thing I remember most vividly about it was, after having spent about 5 minutes trying to knock some guy out, saying, "Man, I should get my dad to enroll me in some fuckin' Tae Kwon Do or some shit, 'cuz this is hard work." It occurred to me that it would be sweet to be able to establish such things post facto and only have the dim memories of the horrible amounts of hard work that were required to make it so.

No, the real point is I don't give a damn. Back to work!

--Schmarty

I Suck At Skiing

But it was pretty fun. I am sore in many places. Also, I am newly aware of how out-of-shape I am, in ways I had not previously thought. Ugh.

In other news, while it may be more comfortable when the ambient tempurature is 45 degrees, not being able to slow down on ice is much more scary when you are just wearing a long-sleeve t-shirt and slacks.

On the whole: fun! I will have to try it again.

--Schmarty

Someone Doesn't Post Here Very Often

... it'sa meee!!!!!

Well, there's stuff going on... like things. I dunno. I seem to have no more grounding for how to document my life. We had a great party recently. Perhaps I should make some basis from that. There are pictures, but they are not on the internet. They, in fact, occupy about 5 people's cameras. Whee!!

Who knows? Well, I'm drinking stuff, and Lisa's music is playing in the other room.

So...


... I have to pee.

--Schmarty

marty

i heart marty with all of my....heart!


-thug

Blarghins

After a rousing bout of Watch The Steelers Lose, drinking my ugly face off, whoopin' everyone's ass at Numan Atheletics, posting appropriately to the JNet, engaging the other drunken folk in some ridiculous internet media, and playing the ukulele drunk until the skin came off my thumb, I finally got to bed around the 2s or 3s (I don't know which, I don't look at clocks when I'm drunk) with a meeting scheduled for 9:30am.

Waking up this morning was like being yanked ass first out of an airplane via the onboard toilet - there was a loud noise and a rush of wind before my altogether unprepared anatomy hurtled spastically into the cold gray morning air.

It was about 2 degrees Fahrenheit when I left the house at about 5 'til 9. All I could think about while standing at the bus stop is how much steam would rise from my vomit, should I happen to find myself depositing it on the frozen ground.

Remember the Alamo.

--Schmarty

SNOOOOWWWW!!!

Goddamn. We still had snow on the ground (though not on the pavement) from something on the order of three days ago. Then we wake up today and it is snowing like a MOTHERFUCKER. Street didn't get plowed until afternoon sometime. White shit is covering eeevverything, except certain side streets which are covered by black and gray shit which is all watery and disgusting.

I'd go take pictures if it didn't make me so goddamn cold when I go outside.

--Schmarty

Pictures Up!!!

Fuckin' finally. Goddamn I have got to finish my stupid Camura2 project and build a goddamn UPLOADER.

'Cause, I mean... DAMN.

--Schmarty

Oh shit!!!

Kolakawakaliki, motherfuckers!!!

I am pretty sure that doesn't mean anything.

But it sounds Hawai'ian, which is where my fat ass is presently sitting.

More specifically, at Gate 54 of the interisland terminal in Honolulu. I await the boarding call for flight 89, service to Lihue, Kaua'i. Upon hearing the siren song of the boarding attendant, I shall get my flight back on, after this short hour and a half break from what looks to be a total of 10 hours flight time logged, today.

I hope someone's counting.

Because it's sunny and ... since weather.com won't load I don't know how warm. But it's muthafuckin' warm, goddammit. And I know, I had to go walking in it in my fuckin' winter clothes because the Honolulu airport is more like a long series of adjacent lobbies than a real goddamn building.


--Schmarty

Howdy!

Had a nice stupid-yet-interesting thing happen, today.

As I will be leaving this Thursday for vacation, and will not be back until after the 5th of January, I decided to go ahead and pay rent. Being as I have not been paid for this month, I forward-dated the check to January 1st (which is when payment is due) thinking this to be a rational way to prevent them from raping my bank account before they are supposed to.

Silly me!

Upon inspection, the woman at the desk (yes, I hand-deliver my rent) informed me that I need to put "a current date" on the check. I grabbed a pen and was about to scribble out the current date when I realized what I was about to do to my poor money.

"Wait, you mean you're just going to go cash this? It's way before the first, I haven't even been paid, yet, and I'm going to be out of town for awhile," I explain.

"We can't hold checks," she responds, unhelpfully.

I stare at her for a moment before answering. "Then let me get your mailing address, and I'll mail it while I'm on vacation," I say, hoping she would hear the absurdity of what she was requiring me to do.

Instead, I am handed a business card. =sigh=

I'm tempted to purchase them a present. Nothing too expensive, I may even have the parts for it around the house. It will be a manilla folder, labelled "DO NOT PROCESS UNTIL THE FIRST OF THE MONTH". I'm sure that *I* would be able to handle documents placed in that folder, and I'm not even *IN* the real-estate-company-secretary industry.

--Schmarty

Uhh...

New pictures up on the Camura. From June up to Halloween. Holy damn I am a piece of shit when it comes to documenting my life, these days. Perhaps this will change as I get the hang of being in Pittsburgh.

Anyway, as expected, this update totally killed my camura scheme which, suffering from y2k syndrome, only allowed for 100 or so galleries to exist before trouble starts. Thankfully in database form I can ignore all of that, but it's still not really acceptable. I also don't really have a good uploader/updater, yet. I'm workin' on it. Anyway, new pictures exist, and you should see them.

--Schmarty

Dental Cavitation

Goddamn. About 3 hours ago I was in the middle of a procedure known medically as "gettin' my teef all dug out". It turns out that what happens when you don't see a dentist for 4-5 years and spend a lot of that time practicing poor oral hygiene, is that your teeth start to rot. In response, dentists, using modern technology, use air/water/aluminum flakes at high pressure plus suction to grind the top layer off of your teeth, much like taking up asphalt. This is very goddamned uncomfortatble. They then paint on some sealant and glop on some synthetic enamel, which they harden with the UV light. They then grind these new tops down until they resemble teeth again.

Holy bejeesus. Even with insurance costs a lot, too.

Now to go start wearing these new choppers down.

Next step in the campaign for dental destruction: removal of the wisdom teeth!!!

--Schmarty

Well

I just finished sending off all of the people from our party. In general, a potluck is pretty fun. In specific, I like parties where the focus is drinking, better. I also, desperately, need cup holders for/around the arcade box. Holy shit will I kick your ass at Numan Athletics.

--Schmarty

hey

giving a shoot out to you and old tech friend
nathan

New Shite!!!

A'ight bitches. I'm back in Pittsburgh and at work at 9 in the goddamn morning, and I have a few updates.

1) Someone(s) need(s) to write some fucking Austin articles. This includes, but is not limited to, myself. You know who you are.

2) The guilt of not working on Camura has finally pushed me to action. Check out the Camura Shrine for a slightly new way of doing things.

3) Damn. I am tired.

4) 632MB of pain await you when you download the full, uncut, made-for-internet movie When Cal Met Brandon. Long time in the studio? It's time to party. Hell yeah. Goddamn, son. Up for another? Kenny, I can't stop pouring my beer on you.

5) --Schmarty

Lower the Terror Alert Level

We are back up and running.

--Schmarty

Alort!

Schmarty.net will be going down in T minus soon as Amy and I move downstairs. I got the keys to the new place at about 12:15, today, and am happy to say that it is awesome. We'll be moving stuff tonight. I think our DSL will still work on the existing phone lines, so this site ought to be back up without too much trouble.

Whammo!

--Schmarty

Aw Hell

A certain piece of media has surfaced in Pittsburgh, PA. Arriving in a UPS parcel addressed to one "CAPTIAN ASSHOLE"(sic), it could hopelessly alter the lives of a half dozen men who as college kids congregated at a certain house in Home Park on July 28th, 2001.

This video will be appearing on the internet, soon.

Film at 11.

--Schmarty

PS - It may have to wait until I move to the apartment downstairs, next week.

Phone Phone Phun

Hello!

"Welcome to the real world." Is what I heard as I entered in to the small city of Maryville to take on my first real job. (Not even a real job, just a Co-Op.) While I have learned quite a bit, I feel like this just isn't enough.

And so to the real world I yell back, "THIS BLOWS!"

The borde mundane tasks of each day are just that; boring and mundane. This place reminds me so much of the movie Office Space. If only I had known the truth in watching that movie for the first time.

But other than that, things are great! :D

Whammo?

Something smells good in the kitchen behind me. This is good, because I have to eat it, soon.

What we have here is a failure to communicate. And designicate. And programinate. Redesigns and ass kicking seems set to occer to both schmarty.net and (more importantly) jnet. This should be entertaining.

Anyway, just wanted to put some text up here, since there hasn't been anything new in quite some time.

--Schmarty

o/~ Yooouuu can always get it right, next time... o/~

Good gawd. It's been forever since I posted. Brandon was way ahead of me with some Fallout 2 action. I really wish I had brought my laptop home tonight for the purpose of playing said game, because it fucking rocks.

Meanwhile, I am lonely in Pittsburgh. My 30% skill level in "Making Friends" is grating on my situation. To compensate, I will be in Atlanta this weekend, for my birthday!! I'll be landing Friday the 6th about 10:30pm, and will be in until Monday the 9th, about 1pm.

The better news is Amy is coming with me, so we will both be there!!!

When you see us, wish us happy 42++ months (that's 43), 'cuz we are a-celebratin'.

Meanwhile, I miss you kids :(

--Schmarty

ARROYO

"It's a peaceful village. Except for the plants possessed by evil spirits... and of course, the temple of trials filled with those deadly spear traps and the man-eating giant ants."
--The Chosen One

Brandon

This Morning I was exetremely late for work. I ate 7 jumbo honey buns and 7 mountain dews. Well the news is that I now have Diabetes.

Count Nerdula

"I think I would be more involved in Dora's life if I had a graphical email client." -Amy

So now we blame the technology for our personal problems? ;)

--Schmarty

Nooz0rz!

Well! I have news, for the three of you who read this page!

My new job as Research Programmer at CMU has me needing to learn JSP (and therefore tons of other stuff). So to kick my knowledge in the face, I went and re-implemented Camura in JSP. It should all pretty much look and work the same, but now it is all done dynamically with JSP plus a database. Old image links still work (I don't see that changing anytime soon), but please don't try leaving comments on the old comments system, 'cuz that is broken.

Next I need to build an uploader of some type, as well as different ways to view and navigate camura. Feel free to suggest anything you would like to see.

--Schmarty

Testing

Testing...

Apache 2 is stupid...

Unsanity

My apologies for all of the craziness, I'm putting Schmarty.net/JNet/Hookers page all onto a new server, and it is ALLLLMOST working.

Last remaining problem seems to be some PHP related stuff (as in, I can't understand why article/news update scripts won't go right on JNet).

Anyway... more after I get some food down my thro-at.

--Schmarty

...aaaaaand

we're back.

--Schmarty

Banal but True

For the last two days in a row, I have attempted to eat part of a giant can of ravioli as a meal, either lunch or dinner, only to have someone to call me and invite me out to eat either while said ravioli was microwaving, or just after I sat down and had not yet taken a bite.

So I ate at two different places, leaving the ravioli first in the microwave, the second time on my desk, covered by a paper towel.

Now I look at it, and it looks accusingly back.

Chef Boyardee is going DOWN.

--Schmarty

Alort!

Schmarty.net/Jerknetwork/AtlHookers server will be down on or around May 30th until some unknown time (probably June 1st or 2nd). This is because I am freakin' moving to Pittsburgh to get my ass some MONEY!!! WOOO!!!

At any rate. We shall be back, and bigger and better. Maybe even smelling more of flowers than of fish.

Mmm... fish.

--Schmarty

Shut the Motherfuck Up, Plebian

I'll tell you porkchop sandwiches, you pittsburgh motherfucker!

You have a website! You invite others to post things freely! You get profanity from me!

Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits Fart Turd and Twat!

And now the grand finale!

Goodbye!

Olly Olly Oxen-Free!!!

You can all come out, now.

--Schmarty

The Portable Nietzsche

And other fine Cheeses, all available here for the low low price of not a damn thing.

Well, we have downgraded our schmarty.net hosting connection to the home cable modem line. Sorry. At least it is all working better, now. The worthless router we have has a habit of freezing up every few minutes. So now schmarty.net routes all of our traffic. Yay!

Anyhoo... holy crap this page is boring.

--Schmarty

Musical Terms Declared Harmful

::rimshot::

--Schmarty

A Modest Proposal

The winds of change are often dashed against the walls of not-giving-a-fuck. Regardless of the near-assured futility of such planning, here is a list of things that schmarty.net/JNet could really use:

JNet:

• Make the glossary editable
• Put something in the images section. Really.
• Jerkware/Groupware. Something to really, actually coordinate events, places, things, people, etc. that jerks like us care about.
• Activity.

• Probably a new admin. I am a fucktard.
• Something other than a weblog.
• Structure and a little fucking discipline.
• Recipes for bombs and illegal drugs.
• Hot tentacle anime porn.

Holy Dog Fuck

Those headphones don't go there. Goddamn bastard. Fuck.

Umm... I'll go through stuff this weekend when I bring stuffs back in to the lab and perform the hostage exchange.

--Schmarty

EWWWW!!!

OH GOD EWW EWW EWW!

Dan2's wearing your headphones! I must rescue them!

What else here needs to be boxed up and moved out? We're officially moving the 29th of January.

~Gibby

Gibby is my favorite

And as such, he must surely die.

--Schmarty

Kudos!!!

I fucking win. Marty fucking loses.

Oh, and say hi to schmarty.net, the terminally fucked webserver.

~wiess

Hi Webpage!

Make me a sammich!

--Schmarty

Then you do that

But don't tell me about it, please.

--Schmarty

Love

I want to write a poem about a guy.. That i was with this summer and now hes long gone and has moved on.. i think that i have lost my chance... And i now realize i want him back.. All the fun things that we have done

Love is so far away

love, the distance between two lovers, the journey to reach each other, loving to the day of death

Your poem...

you suck

write me a poem

so far i have this:
it was cold in the beautiful village of dove dale that night
the moon looked ghostly gliding softly and silently in the dark, clear night sky
its silver, mirrored image dancing on the rippled waters of the shadowy lake
a robin sat on the bare branch of a withered oak tree and shrilled its lonley tune
the boughs cracked their icy fingers and the hedges froze in their shadows
soft, powdery crystal flakes of snow fell silently onto the spartan homes in the tiny village
the dull, grey, cold slabs of stone that built the small but cozy houses looked perfect against the dark backround of the sky
their windows glowed warmly with the fire burning inside with all different shades of blue, orange and yellow
huge fir trees stood in the backround just on the horizon, their tops covered in pure whiteness made from thousands of delicate snow flakes
the church steeple touched the sky and the air was filled with the sound of happy carols reminding people of the joyful, festive season
i thought it was good but it sounds to much like a descriptive piece of writting or a story extract rather than a poem.i am aiming for a 14 line poem that is very descriptive about a place.i am wanting to keep the same setting but i want it to sound like a poem.it doesn't have to rhyme or use alliteration.please help me.

yyjmtrk

Livin' in the Baby Jail

Baby jails are rough places, especially when you look at all of the legislation in Congress towards stopping sex between prisoners. Baby-on-baby rape is a frightening concept.

But what you really need to know is this shit. Don't listen to it if you're sensitive to.. well, anything. There's obscenity, terrible rhyming, horrible things about people, and we don't care. We made it yesterday whilst drinking and playing with a bass guitar, a set of drums, an amp, some speakers, some mics, and an mp3 player that can record from line-in.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's fun. We are silly.

--Schmarty

jail

baby

Heh

I am a stupid bastard, sometimes.

So I fucking finally got around to uploading camura pictures since I've been back. Added some stuff to the Roadtrip Pictures, and a new set of pictures that have been taken since my return.

Proud of myself, I wandered off for awhile.

Just now I remembered a whole slew of pictures that I took over the summer and kept holding for upload. They are still sitting on my laptop, and are now pissed off because the order is all wrong.

Procrastination leads to pain. ;)

--Schmarty

History in the Making

I am currently sitting in the WORST CLASS OF MY LIFE.

It's the TA study class thing, where they teach you how not to rape your students and how to grade people the same way.

They ALSO want to teach us about DIVERSITY. Which is what they are doing today, and what they have been doing since 4pm (it's 5:15) and what they will be doing until 6. I want to kill them.

I remember being in the 2nd grade. What I DON'T remember is my 2nd grade teacher ever being THIS PATRONIZING to her students. This is just fucking ABSURD. The first word out of the guest speaker's mouth (the guest is Vice Dean of the CoC's husband - Worthless Bastard) were "Okay, I'd like everyone to take out a piece of paper, we're going to make a list."

Then we made a list of things we "knew" about him.

Of course, only for him to say "but you don't really know most of those things. you assume them from my appearance and my demographic."

It gets worse! "Make a list about yourself. Who are you? What do you think society expects of you being that way?"

Then the most horseshitty yet: "People on this side of the room, write an official mission statement about Diversity for the CoC..."

Oh, and did I mention......... THESE WERE ALL DONE IN GROUP SHIT FUCK BASTARD HELL DAMN.

It's like pulling propaganda out of your skull with a 13-inch pair of pliers shoved in through your nose!!! I want to goddamn kill them.

--Schmarty

=Bzrrmmt=

I am sleepy. Christ. Who lets me stay up 'til 5 then wake up at 10:30?

Whoever it is, they are fired.

Just like my Congresspersons, President, and city and state council members and Hell, why not even the PTA. Fuck 'em. What if you threw a revolution and nobody came?

Ehhhh... I need sleep before I can be useful. And that is a Bad Thing^TM. Crap upon it. Oh well.

I hope someone is winning. I seem to be running around in circles in some empty corner of the level, low on ammo but without anyone to expend it on, anyway. I guess that's why first-person shooters are not a good metaphor for life. :D

--Schmarty

A Poem

1121 has internet!
Ain't that just great?
It's about damn time.
Welcome to 1998.

--Schmarty

I stole that from Hunter's cousin.

i need a poem

i cant write poetry so write me a poem please.

cars

Okay, a shot at some old Latin....

I "learned" Latin in high school. This means I learned it for two years in Latin I and II, then spent two more years forgetting it in III and IV.

Still, and all, take a minimal memory of something, apply a lot of internet, and watch the sparks fly!!!!

Our treat for you, tonight:

"Hahaha. You don't remember that? You were really drunk. I was pissed."
"Hey, you can't hold it against me, I was tempis vehendi."

And even better:

"Why do you drink so much?"
"Tempis vehendi gratia."

--Schmarty

PS - Those translate to (I hope) "Time travelling" and "For the sake of time travelling". Someone correct me if I am wrong. :)

Whelp..

Today is the day. Now is the time. Hit this shit. More to come when I make it. Things to know at the moment:

1. We have a dedicated computer in the car that has been working since the parking lot at Sushi Lover's in San Jose. This means data.
2. We have a webcam duct-taped to the dashboard. This means pictures. Well, as soon as I fucking find my picture taking program!!!!!

o/~ Cue Kazoo Music o/~

Happy Biiirthday to meeee...
Happy Biiirthday to meeee...

ah, fuckit. ;)

--Schmarty

My page is awesome

That's just all there is to it.

Yay for the internet!

--Schmarty

I do.

Meet me behind the wood shed, tomorrow at 3.

Understand

I hope you understand these feelings so true. The first time I laid eyes on you I thought you were cute. I know I was scared to tell you but you have to understand that you are my cousin. For one boys tell girls they like them it's not everyday you see girls telling boys they like them. Really I just think yo are cute. I don't know if you feel the same way about me or not. So don't take this the wrong way im not trying to be the next family issue. So lets just keep this between me and you.

More Newness

http://myname.schmarty.net/cgi-bin/camcmnts.pl

See the latest comments made about Camura pictures! RAR!

--Schmarty

Well Holy Shit

Holy shit fuck goddamn bitch ass whoop harrrr fuck. (sorry, mom).

Just had to get that out.

I'm in a pretty deep funk, forehead permanently wrinkled in a frown. Posture low. Heartrate high. Little desire to work. Little desire to play. No desire to sleep, yet a big desire not to be sleepy at work tomorrow.

BLAGH!!! BLAGH!!!!!!!

So GaTech offers no financial aid if you take less than 6 hours of class. I am planning to take 3, because I don't even want to take 6 hours worth of loans. I realize that other banks offer loans, and will maybe ask them. In the meantime, my current state for fall is: 9 inches short of broke. I will need a job. This is not terrifying, but Not Knowing How Things Will Be is a most accursed and hated thing for me. Get Rid of It^TM.

I have things I should be done. Stuff I should have done. I elect to currently do none of these things. Fuckit. Let's get drunk and break shit. No? Well let's find some woods and get lost in them and scream profanity at the trees for blocking our view of the moon and stars. And when we can see them, lets curse at the moon and stars, too, for being arrogant enough to light up an otherwise perfectly dark and bleary night.

blehblehblehblehblheblheblheblehlehlebelebleblehleblebhlehlebleblheleblebhlelh beleblehlebhelblehlebhelbelhelbebelhelbehlebelbelhbelhebelbelbelbelelblehbleble bleh.

I just spent $857 on my car. It is now fucking roadworthy. Yippee. Lost another hubcap in the process. Yippee. Fuck.

If you can play an instrument, go and play yourself a song. I wish I could.

Whew. I feel better. :)

--Schmarty

Happy birthday Nana!

wtf - who is nana? Well, at least someone has something to be happy about...

-amy

birthday

Nana's birthday

Get to Typing!!!

Camura now supports comments!!!!!! Using either the alternate nav, or the "with comments" links off of the main Camura page, you can view and add comments to every damned image that I have. Enjoy!

--Schmarty

Perl Jam

Camura is one of the coolest things, ever. I have slowly come to realize this. In order to more effectively convey its coolness I have come up with a couple of new spiffy-ass things for it.

First is a new navigation style. The same old gallery-o-clickable-thumbs is still there for you to peruse, but also feel free to play with the "Alternative Nav" links, to try out the new nav style. It shows the current image, plus any previous or next image for the folder you're looking at. So you can go through the images one at a time by clicking on the next/prev images without having to pick and choose (and hit back all the time). Kinda neat.

Next and even cooler is a Camura Picture Randomizer, which chooses a random image from Camura's 8000+ pictures. It also comes equipped with links to view the image in the context of it's two neighbors (the new style) providing some context, as well as a link to view it in the entire gallery, providing all the context I have. Good for guessing games or bored time. Best of all it comes with a handy "Again!" button so you can play for DAYS AND DAYS.

Tomorrow I plan to put in some work on a comment viewing/editing system, so people can annotate pictures in the camura system. That seems like a shit load of fun (especially to see what people say). So look for it, I guess.

--Schmarty

=gasp!= The Radio!!

Well, Amy is off for a weekend in Oregon, leaving me alone in Palo Alto for the weekend. This presents me with a quandry.

I have much time available to get things done that I've been meaning to do, like get my car worked on, get a haircut, do some stuff for the profs. at GaTech, tack on some hours at work...

However, I have this same time available to do other things that I don't normally get to do, like watching hours and hours of anime, coding up stuff for my website or the JNet, sleeping 14 hours a day...

Ach, ze pandemonium!

Ah well. Bored is I. Today is a special day for PARC interns. Many "Silicon Valley" companies participate every year in 3-hour-long intern events, where interns from other participating companies come see what other participating companies are doing. Kind of like the Ivy League, but with boring technical talks instead of "teh football". Anyhow, today is the day of Microsoft, and the list of things I am going to learn about while there doesn't excite me so much as make me pray that I develop narcolepsy during the event. At least they feed us afterwards.

--Schmarty

A Word from the Historical Society...

It should be noted that Amy and I arrived safely in Nashville a full 3 hours late. My sister then took us to my dad's. We shot off fireworks. It were good.

Next, it is off to the airport to head back west.

Manslaughter monday has also gained the theme "service industry" for this week.

--Schmarty

I'm coming for you

About 29 hours you all have left to live.

Enjoy them.

--Schmarty

tasty

bueno bueno es muy bueno....



-- a burrrrritorria

Ahhh Tastiness

So if you have a phone with internet, some bytes to spare, and can read xHTML with your phones browser, go ahead and hit up http://schmarty.net/wap/jnet/ and see the loveliness of the articles page contained therein. I had originally constructed a WML frontend, but it spat in my face, so I went to xHTML. When patience permits, I will make it full-wap-face.

In the meantime, it works on _MY_ phone, so I'm a happy bastard.

--Schmarty

PWACKUM

So here it is.

Depart	Arrive
Sacramento (6/28/03 8:05am)	Nashville (6/28/03 3:50pm)

Now we just have to get from the Nashville Airport to Atlanta, GA.

MTA Bus from airport (departs 4:35pm) to MTA main station (arrive 5:11pm). Hang around in downtown Nashville until...
Greyhound bus from downtown Nashvile (departs 9:45pm) to ghetto Atlanta (arrives 3:00am).
Plysmouth El Valliente from ghetto Altanta (departs roughly after 3:00am) straight to Hell (arrives immediately).

And through a dance of transportation and technology, happiness is achieved.

--Schmarty

Jerome

I woke up to the sound of the garbage truck mangling the dumpster across the street at 4:30am, and i thought of you like i always do. I miss the things we had, i miss the crack pipes on the dinner table, the dirty diapers piled in the corner, and even your car backfiring almost as often as the bass drops blaring from the one good speaker in your Buick Monte Carlo. Come home, Jerome, your guns are still under my bed, and your kids are crying. You'll always be my garbage man...

'lil Poo

Now Hold On...

This is my site, and I don't want any weird break up shit on it. I ESPECIALLY don't like seeing shit being talked about Craig. I sincerely do not appreciate it and anyone who would badmouth Craig on THIS SITE is just asking for it. It's *SO* not cool and it's *SO* immature. I can barely stand the thought of such a person. I can't believe you would come talking trash about Craig HERE of all places. God DAMMIT I'm so mad I-... hold on... the phone's ringing...

...

...

Turns out I don't know anyone named Craig. I guess this is okay then.

--Schmarty

craig

You just dont understand the way i feel about you, you really mean the world to me...but sometimes you just dont understand that i have to do things on my own. You have to understand that i do have a life, and i do work and you can always be there by my said, and im sorry. And if everytime we get into an arguement and you just want to breakup then why should i want to be with you. I feel that you just get angry way to easily.

Check that....

FTP works if your ftp client is not in passive mode. This may break some people behind firewalls. When I figure out the port filtering shit, it will hopefully be fixed.

--Schmarty

Dapslabblers Anonymous

Gibby dun gone and done it. Schmarty.net is up and on it's "permanent" connection. ftp should be working (but is being finicky. I'm working on it... slowly...) but the rest is up. Yay!

--Schmarty

Well Fuck You

Now I know where all of the weird ass post come from.

Go to Google and put in "write me a poem" (with quotes or without. it doesn't matter). I am roughly the fourth (third if you don't count repeats) link. GRAGH! So essentially people hit google saying "write me a poem", and they come to this form. It's not THEIR fault the form doesn't say anything about not really generating a poem for them. Or for not describing what's going to happen to their post. So they put in silly things that end up on my page.

Yippee-frickin'-hooray. Thanks to Dan for figuring this one out for me. Though I probably could have figured it out by looking.

Well. Anyway. robots.txt is about to get a new rule. :D

--Schmarty

YOU!

YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY MIDP 2.0 DEVICES! DO NOT LET ANYONE FOOL YOU INTO THINKING OTHERWISE!!

J2ME WILL BURN VICIOUSLY IN THE FLAMES OF MY CREATION! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

--Schmarty

Tennis

Its fun
it invloved alot of strength and endurance

Roger and Me!!!

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
And we wouldn't have to wait so long?
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong?

Rabbits for pets or food. What do you know about corporate concern and trust for loyal employees?

--Schmarty

Mike and Me!!!

Holy Dogshit, You're Drunk as Piss, Motherfucker!

I just want to make sure that all the little girls writing poetry on this site can't show it to their mothers. I hope my mother doesn't see it, because all of the content on this site now sucks, except the cusswords. Fuck.

A Concerned Citizen

summer sunset

Friends Never Loose Grip

Friends are always there for you,they are always by your side when something is needed.They are attached to you like super glue in times of trouble.Friends teach you new lessons everyday that stay with u forever!Someone like you is more than a friend,you are a Best friend that no one could ever forget!Best friends like you make others laugh with joy like the sound of birds,and joyous like sounds of praise.Thanks for all what your do Friend,you can never be forgotton!


With Lots of Love,
Taylor Sonnier

everyone

every one here
in this world
thinks we all
need to be
alike, but we
can not be the
way others want
us to be

Me

i am a nice person really i like to plays sports and help others in need.

Oh, So That's How It Is?

You think bullies just beat up on nerds? No. Everyone beats up on nerds. Bullies are unique in that they hardly discriminate. Nerds may be their favorite, but bullies beat up on everyone. Take the moon, for instance. On the moon, nerds have their pants pulled down and they are spanked with moon rocks. Yet, do you think all of the moon's inhabitants are bullies? Not so much.

So don't make me come over there. I'll ring your pants.

And with that, it is official, I haven't a single ounce of originality in my body.

--Schmarty

bullies

big mean guys beating up nerds

This is not a poem!

Im a troubled child
Im a troubled soul

I cant help but fall in love
with the one who doesnt love me back

If things happen for a reason
then what is the reason for me being here

The way you punish me
makes me feel like i did something wrong


Maybe your punishing me for being here
so i should make it easy for you
and end it now....

I need a sonnet poem

I can not write poetry

what

what?

uykyu

tyutyutyu

The Unfaced Emotion

That I have liked u since the first time I saw u. Your look was like a Spring morning. Sparkling in my eyes. I know that we can only be friends but I want u. I know it wont ever work but I need to tell u. I like u alot and I want that to grow. Maybe one day u will give me a chance to make your life happy as u have mine.By being around I get a boost of joy in my heart. Thank u for being there and not judging me by my looks. But by my heart

A Poem

In the interests of space and effort conservation, as well as in the ways of using computers to help us in our everyday lives, here is a Perl script for generating your poem:
---- cut here ----
#!/usr/bin/perl

for($i = 0; $i < 6; $i++){
      for($j = 0; $j < 4; $j++){
           print "Fuck you.\n";
           print "Not shit.\n";
      }
}
---- cut here ----

:D

A Message From Beyond

"I'll rub a hot tamale in ya goddamn mouth!!!"

-Lern

Can u write me a poem

I need help writing a poem about whats beatiful in my life...6 stanzas long with each stanza having 8 lines. It must have an ababab rhyme skeem

My broken heart

My broken heart

Yay from the road!

We are here on the road, you bastards!!! Schmarty.net is back alive and free and covered in filth (or at least I will make sure that this is the case, soon).

You assholes sit back and relax, I'ma try and put together a nice page detailing the shits from our trip, cuz I ain't got shit better to do. WHEEE!!!


--Schmarty

PS - check http://schmarty.net/roadtrip

Looks like it's back. Maybe.

Ohhh Good.

I appear to almost have made this work. While waiting for CNS to give me the go-ahead, I decided to get schmarty.net up and running on my (more stable than schmarty's) DSL connection. It seems to be working, but I'm a port forwarding fool and so I can only check it from an outside computer.

Hence, I'm using Lynx. Ah well. Hopefully it'll work.
~Gibby

Down for the Count

Schmarty.net gettin unplugged now... say g'bye, kids.

Screw Gradiation

Ooohhh Good. I am here at graduation, and it sucks. I have been standing up for freaking hours. It is hot and now someone is throwing balloons around. Damn them. anyway. more to come. --schmarty (i can't make a newline! grrr!)

Holy Shit

That is cool as hell, and at least twice as insane.

--Schmarty

Guess who goes to Cornell?

The Cornell Electronic Directory Page

Second name from the top. Look familiar?

--Sar

oops

sorry i didn't check back... i'll be around this afternoon/evening sometime. call my cell (number given in previous post, i believe) when you wanna move it.

lata,
Amelia

If you were a discount thrift store...

what kind of discount thrift store would you be?

And more importantly... would you sell me guns?

--Schmarty

Here's One for The PAIN!

As if four years weren't enough, I've been prequalified for another TWO!

Check it...

What am I thinking about? ;)

--Schmarty

Hehe.

Sad about having to move it. But it's cool. Sorry for not picking it up, sooner. I can pick 'im up on... something? How about tomorrow evening? Yay!

--Schmarty

sad about?

are you sad about taking Cal back, or are you sad that I'm going to burn it in a satanic ritual? I need to know this things.

movin out saturday morning, so all will be discombobulated and packed away friday night.
lata.
Amelia.

In-N-Out

write a poem about in n out burger and how they are great!

Okay...

But I'm sad about it. ;)

--Schmarty

Proppin my Feet on Calqlator, but not for much longer, dammit

hey, schmarty, you ain't the only one movin out! get this foot rest you call a computer out from under my desk before next friday, or I'm taking it to Fayetteville and burning it in a Satanic Ritual.

Much Love,
Amelia.
cell:(770)401-0844

Well. . .

Toys have entered my life, once again. My time in Atlanta before summer draws to a close. Exams are next week (AUGH!), I have projects to wrap up in two labs and at work, I have to find a place to live in Cali, I have to make sure my car isn't dead, I have to box up wrap up pack up and stack up everything I own in ATL for purposes of storing or whoring, and, yaknow, stuff.

Whee! So things are busy and frantic and frightening. Eegah.

Either way. Back to the toy(s)! Went today with Amy to purchase a mucho required item for our trip west (and subsequent decolocation this fall): Badass Cell Phones!

Mine's a Sanyo 4900, hers is an LG 5350. Together they are 2000 anytime + free nights/weekends + free long distance + free roaming + UNLIMITED FREE DATA!!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

I instantly bought one of those little USB cables and my laptop asserted itself on the internet via Sprint's magical PCS network. I am a happy happy child. BOOYAH!

So this will be used during our travelling trip! I'm gonna get a GPS unit attached to my laptop to log where we go, and use gpsdrive and the new magic phone to get maps and do internet on the way.

Of course, magic doesn't cover the country. PCS coverage appears more in little rivulets of life than in patches of unburned flesh. This means lots of dead-no-internet time, especially in the desert. But whatever! We'll hotel in places with service, do our mapping and slapping there, and not worry about shit. We got the free roaming for a reason, biznatch!

I'm excited. Cross country drive (with big landmarks being: Little Rock, Ok. City, Santa Fe, area's north of Phoenix (possibly including the giant pisshol^H^H^H^H^H^H^H Grand Canyon), and, Eris willing, VEGAS!!!!! Whoo! 5 days of fun, sun, surf, turf, bitch, itch, and quacktaculism.

I am obviously too incoherent to be awake. This should be rectified.

--Schmarty

Depression

I'm in serious depression. I was sexually molested when I was nine years old by my mother's boyfriend. I've had to move a lot. I moved away from all my friends. I've had to give up both my dogs in the past two years. My cat has died. My mother and father got a divorce. I want to kill myself.

Brothah!

I'll drive your car to CA!!! :D

-school is boring.


Lar

Shipping? Hell. Drive it!

With you? Sure. Only if I can find a 1964-65 Mustang Convertible that's in the area, though.

Gotta bring one back for dad. ;)

~wiess

Goddamn. Shipping Cars Sucks.

Trying to move temporarily to California isn't easy. Finding a place to live (while in Atlanta), finding out whether it's better to rent a car, or drive there, or ship my car there, or whatever. It's all quite complicated! Crappo!

Anyone want to drive my car out to California for me?

--Schmarty

Thank You

I was getting really sad that all of the random-ass postings on my site were nonsensical without being funny. Or at least thought-provoking.

Your poem, however, is the winner.

--Schmarty

poem for boyfriend

Dear my boyfriend,

you are the best.

Even though you only

stare at my chest.

??

i need a poem written for my boyfriend

Marcy likes the toast!

We don't know who "Marcy" is, only that she thinks "enchilada" is wacky Mexican talk for "shit on a shingle."

The insanity!!

The bloody soldier

Swimming

swimming is fun, hard and practices are long
friendships are lasting and someones always there to make you smile

missing you

candlelite

a poem with a mood or atmosphere with a candle lite theme

Dreams

Shakota Karizma

I want it to be a name poem like this:
S...
H...
A...
K...
O...
T...
A...

K...
A...
R...
I...
Z...
M...
A...
I want it to say caring things. How much I make people happy. How inspirational I am. How much people love me. How important I am to my mother. Why my mother want to have me around all the time.

Grrrr

I like people posting crazy things on my page, which is why I leave the script open to everyone. Even so, I don't need to see your homework on my page unless it's exceedingly funny, exceedingly interesting, or exceedingly messed up.

So quit posting crap.

--Schmarty

Katie

crazy, loving, caring, fun, smart, ambitious, compassionate, retarted

Under Attack

The southern hemisphere is assaulting my webpage with nonsense. Someone should do something about this, and the only answer I can come to is:

INVASION!

Rally the troops! Prepare the particle cannons and give the maps to the pathfinders! We're going in!

Look out, Australia and New Zealand. Your tyranny will not be long lived.

--Schmarty

A Special Lady

Aunty Daph,

Your to me arean amazing lady, and lady at that. I have always and willalways forever admire you. If there was anyone in the world i would like to grow up and be like, it would me "My aunty Daph".

I wish i could have been there for this special birthday but can't, but my thoughts are going to be with you.

You're Welcome

But I'm not your mom.

Mother

Thankyou for being there for me

If you don't know pain

Then have a look at someone who does.

Some people might call it a "yawn". But they didn't hear what we did.

--Schmarty

PS - I don't have to make sense OR be funny. I'm crabby and sleepy and ugly and I don't give a fuck.

What?

all about me

i play hockey, i have made north queensland and townsville. i'm a only child, i only have a mother, a cat, and a bird

Party at my House

That's right. It's Feb. 14 and I know you don't have anything better to do. Grab appropriate attire (red clothes if you're spoken for, green clothes if you're not) and head on over to the corner of Atlantic and 14th for some crazy silly V-Day action. We're gonna be drinkin' shootin' snortin' and also hangin' out. Actually just the first and the last of those things.

So come on, bring it.

Also, linux kids should check out Xinerama. It's badass shit.

--Schmarty

Ontological Mayhem

Recently I swore myself against such time-wasting activities as "reading the Internet", in addition to watching TV and other such nonsense. Today, however, I made a simple exception.

It started when my sister Mindy sent me something in the mail. Or rather, her school did on her behalf. It was a fundraiser envelope asking me to buy magazine subscriptions to earn her school some "technology" and to win her a Scooby Doo Shirt!

How exciting! I was pretty pissed. Selling M&Ms or coupon books is one thing, but having your kids ask your friends and family to give away their personal information for magazines they don't need or want? Glegh.

So in a true smart-ass state of mind I set off to order her a Scooby Doo T-Shirt and send it to her along with the $4 her school would probably get out of my purchase of two $30 magazine subscriptions.

It was during this search on the internet that I discovered The Landover Baptist Church. It's an ontological nightmare. On the surface, each page and each article seems to come from a frighteningly fundamentalist religiopolitical death squad. A particular gem is this story about Scooby Doo himself.

Anyway, it turns out they're all a bunch of leftists with too much time, satire, and pent-up childhood angst about being forced to go to church. Check it out sometime if you're into chuckling uneasily or feeling uncomfortable about other people's idea of humor. :D

--Schmarty

P.S. - If you find a good youth-size Scooby Doo T-Shirt for sale anywhere, fucking tell me.

God Fuck

I already vented this on the jerknetwork, but I feel like it wasn't enough, somehow. Maybe it's because I don't proofread. Whatever.

RIAA and the MPAA bully our shit around all the time. Hell, even computer software and hardware people invoke copyright law to support all kinds of poor business decisions or other ways to rest on their laurels.

Well, you know what? Fuck it. The entertainment industry is the least needed right now. I think Sid Meier was right, if you control the entertainment you control the society. Well, fucking shit. The wrong people control the entertainment, so it's time for something else. There's more than just goddamned TV, radio, movies, magazines, blah blah blah. You can do shit for yourself. Learn a trade, or a hobby. Learn an instrument, take up a sport. You can entertain and BETTER YOURSELF without them and their taxes. Without them and their progressively worse content. Without them and anything they think their offering.

Take back your goddamned brain.

--Schmarty

Pissed

That's what I used to be when dealing with my searches page. The script updates every night, supposedly to bring you the latest searches that have landed people on the various schmarty.net sites. For the longest time it was displaying stuff from way the hell back in August, though I thought those logs should be gone by now.

Well, I am dumb, the logs just never rotate out (I may fix this). The more important question of why we weren't getting hits was soon answered:

We weren't listed in any search engines anymore.

That has changed.

Holy crap. There are some funny ass searches out there. Starting from the end of January, schmarty.net sites are once again being found on search engines, and for some WEIRD ASS shit.

I think I'll archive the old ones so we can see new stuff more prominently, but definitely give it a look.

--Schmarty

I'm Building a Pip-Boy

Or rather, I am hopefully receiving one. The concepts of Fallout:Indeed and my real life have somewhat crossed over as I realized that a wearable computer is a goddamned mainstay of Fallout. From the maps to the interaction to your character's todo list to the ever-present narration window, it's all part of a little badassed scheme based on the Pip-Boy. It automaps (with some kind of range finding device + GPS data [would GPS really work in a Post-Nuclear world? Would the fallout interfere with the signal? Would they even leave the sats in orbit?]) or maybe a dead-reckoning system), it knows where you are, it records your conversations for a short time, your goals for much longer. It stores and retrieves documents. It is a little badass.

But I bet you can't print from it in the CoC. Bastards.

--Schmarty

Goddamn

The NASA motto becomes "Cheaper, Faster, Better" after numerous budget cuts. Attempts to replace the aging Shuttle program are shot down time after time, all while the champion vehicles of the American Space Program whither and age well beyond their intended useful years.

And now Columbia fucking breaks up on re-entry.

The worst part? This is probably going to hurt NASA's budget way more than it could help it. People will be "scared of falling space junk". I can almost see the redneck headlines, now.

Fuck.

Area and Perimeter

Perimeter is the distance around a polygon
Area is a measure of the surface inside a shape

Josh this is for you...

here it is....
*Something new on schmarty net!*

Computers are my favorite

I like laptops and wireless cards and desks that come with power strips built in so I can get distracted in UI class.

=sigh=. Distraction.

--Schmarty

HarRar!!!

It's a bit of an upgrade for the Schmartster!! I have moved from my cubicle to a back-back office! With a view!! Okay, so I really share it with Dan, but we are only here at the same time once a week! 'Cha!

I seem to have flattened out a bug in my PIC thing, and the whole contraption is less prone to obscure failure. That means it's time to wire up some more bits to it!!! WHEE!!!!

Lots of stuff coming up. Phys2 with it's weekly (or more) assignments. UI Design with a bigass group project thing. Technical writing with too many stupid words to write to count. Color tracking for the CRB folk. Finishing up this PIC thing for the VA folk. Film history should be neat, though I will miss most of the screenings for my Technical Writing class (bastards!).

And stuff. Whippiwhoo!! At least I have beaten Fallout 2. Now I can move on to things that make my life worth living. Like graduating and getting into grad school and doing research and making programs that organize my life for me. :D

--Schmarty

Yay is for Yamy

That's good enough for me!

Happy day after birthday, Amy!!! Yay for 21!!! WOOO!!!!!

I am sleepy. Maybe I should have napped after all. ;)

--Schmarty

Woondoggita!

What possesses me to make stupid noises in lieu of reasonable English language? Me not know. It happens, though.

Regardless, I am home!!! Tomorrow is to be spent applying to collegeeeeeees and sending badass-speed overnight mail to them saying "TAKE ME INTO YOUR FOLD, YOU MINDLESS ASSHOLES". They like things like that, I hear. Or so someone said.

There is a visitor in the house. Or a roommate, some would say. His name is Rodger. The Pythons would say we should wewease wodgda. We hate them and emulate them all at once. Wodga only barks/slobbers and pants. Cute kid. Let's hope roommate number 2 doesn't banish him.

Pataow.

--Schmarty

Hot-Diggitty Fock

Merry McXMas, bitch-faces!!!

A bottle of Festive Ale (make sure to not-pronounce those silent 'e's like you goddamned mean it) and a chin-up bar are all the ammunition I need to take on Santa and his whole team of reindeer. Bring the presents, fat-boy. I hear Timmy down the street is getting a new four-wheeler. I'm gonna enjoy ridin' it over your fat ass and down the block - pullin' donuts in the intersection with beer, blood, and brimstone spilling from my lips as I scream into the cold, snow-flecked night.

I always love slaughterin' me a Santa to gear up for the new year. Ya better bring the pain, muthafuckin' 2003: I gots this shit ready for you.

--Schmartissimo

Terrible Titties and the Teeth of the Ages

Oh, how i long for my once known knowledge. How great it is to wield weapons of truth and honor, and how wondrous to have enemies in the depths of the void. The loving demeanor of many fine beings, the black hearts of the so-called Evil Ones. Scenery fitting beholders of the most beatiful times, set upon by the most repulsive breed of demonic hordes.

There I once stood, where the lines between good and evil were thick, bold, and well-defined...

Now, my surroundings are of IHOP, queers, pop culture, women, college, cities large and miniscule, shitty cars, great beers, people of all shapes, sizes, and tolerances, family, deceiving semi-friends, pretty pictures with ugly backends, and what am I to believe? What, if anything?

I truly believe that i want to blow them all away in rapid succession.

That is why i yearn for certain indiscriminate things, things that have no real form, things that i could have if only i tried, things i would have if only i wanted them enough, things that are seemingly unattainable, yet attainable indeed...

Fallout, Indeed.

From Delaware with love

"Life still hits those sitting in left field, just takes a bigger quake."
--Andrew Graves


(and yeah, it was a pretty big quake)

You Rotten Sonofabitch

That's what I call myself when I see my website, as I'm sure many of you do! :D

After a year and a half of continuity, encompassing two birthdays, my stays at Dollar Sixty Five, Woodruff, and moving into 1121 Atlantic, not to mention about two semesters of downtime:

It's time to get this shit rollin' once again. I have a new house, new projects, new shit to deal with, new psychoses, new pets, not to mention new diseases, vices, and more than enough pain, suffering, and plain annoyance to dish out for all of you bastards.

So bring it. I formally throw chip!!!

--Schmarty